it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
