im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
