you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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