I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am midnight drunk by noon
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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