Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
