Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
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Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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