I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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