If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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