just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
