i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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