so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
