in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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