Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
