Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
