ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
