so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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