dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
