What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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