This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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