She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
