I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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