So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
