Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
