i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I am mentally ready for anal.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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