I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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