My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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