Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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