My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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