they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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