Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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