I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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