here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
