I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
