I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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