man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize