I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
