I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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