So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
