Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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