my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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