let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
