So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
