forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
