wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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