Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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