I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
