I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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