It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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