Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
