maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
organizing the empties. That sober.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
