I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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