I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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