I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
