You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
