hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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