I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
