Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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