they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
