Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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