I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
