wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
