he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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