At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
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Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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