I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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