I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
