Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize