Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
