found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
