Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
