I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
