i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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