I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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