she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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