Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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