i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
