I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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