May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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